Today I write from within, no prompts needed. My heart was calling me to articulate this confusing yet yummy feeling of warmth consuming my insides.
On one hand, it could be from the 5 shots of poison I have just indulged. I’ll admit, lately; I’ve noticed that I’m beginning to fall back into my old habits of drinking myself stupid just to get through the night. I refuse to feel guilty about it because if you lived 10 minutes in my shoes, you’d know why I need liquid poison to remain somewhat sane and alive.
On the other hand, I feel a certain sense of release. I have come to the point where I know who I am. I completely accept who I am; flaws and all. I am a woman who embraced her sexuality and loved it. I left the church and have never felt more connected to God, my spirit, my entire being and the world at large than I am now. There are many other things I would like to proclaim on here but I will save them for when the poison dies down. Otherwise, the greatest thing I know is that I am completely aware of who I am and because of this, no one’s words or judgement will ever change that. They might affect me but that feeling of faltering confidence passes quicker and quicker with your increased statements of judgement. Therefore, still- I rise.
I will continue to enjoy sex truly and fully. I will continue to drink poison when I feel that life is too heavy, I will stay away from the church until I feel that my spirit is aligned with It’s teachings. I will continue to be M.E.
Love and eternal light,
Meticulous Planner ❤