27-05-2016

The Obscurity of Fork Equilibrium In Apartment Six

So because I still don’t have the strength to talk about what’s really bothering me, (well for one- i’m not sure what’s wrong and two- I’m genuinely tired) I’ve decided to will myself to take part in those daily writing prompts.

Today’s word is fork. Honestly, when I first saw this I thought, I need to “fork” all this sadness out of me. But I’m not really sad. Just a little out of it. A bit angry. Tired, mostly.

Last week, I counted eight forks in our apartment. Eight. What are six girls supposed to do with eight whole forks? It’s not like we even eat THAT much food in here. We’re more of spoon people because at any point during the day, someone is either drinking tea or something. I remember counting four forks, gingerly taking them out of the utensil rack and taking them to the kitchen. I also remember recklessly going to the cafeteria for a take away snack a few days later and leaving with one of their precious forks. It didn’t occur to me to wait to get to my apartment and just use one of the remaining four. Anyway, the next day, I guiltily picked up the saucer and the fork that was next to it. Just wanted to return it to the kitchen and make right with the world. I mean, I couldn’t fix myself, but the least I could do was make sure that there was a constant number of four forks in the apartment.

Big BIG mistake; because the fork I took back ended up being my apartment-mates store-bought silverware. In usual circumstances I would have felt eternally guilty but instead, this sudden rush of helplessness just overcame me. I didn’t know what to say or do so I said a quiet apology and went back to my room.  Oh and then a few hours later- my feeble attempt to sort through ALL the kitchen forks (within my reach, of course) to see if any of them was my apartment-mates. I found one, I knew it wasn’t the one but I took it anyway, showed it to her and she shook her head with pity and just said that it was okay.

Again, no guilt or sadness, just that stupid, helpless feeling. You know what’s inside my lunch container in the kitchen sink right now? A fork.

Equilibrium seems to have shifted to five and maybe I just need to learn how to live with that.

 

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