07-03-2016

I’ve had a pretty rough week so I decided to write a little something to clear my mind. To all poetry lovers, I hope you enjoy this. To all literature critics, I’m NOT  a poet. If this little piece doesn’t satisfy your definition or idea of poetry; too bad :/

Dear Potential Lover,

When I first met you, I was pretty excited

You see, I like building castles in my head

I instantly had visions of us enjoying cocktails on the beach

Taking drives along deserted roads late at night

and reading bedtime stories to our children

Every moment spent with you was so exhilirating

The very thought of falling in love was so ecxiting

I couldn’t wait to hear you say you love me and that you want to spend the rest your life with me

With each passing day spent together, each text, each phone call

I fell deeper into my thoughts of us building a beautiful life together

 

You confessed your feelings for me

I can’t even explain how that made me feel

But then you went on and told me about how you wanted to touch me

Feel me under you

How you wanted to know what I tasted like

If my skin was really as soft as it looked

What it would feel like if you were inside me

I’m not sure if this was your idea of honesty

Or if you thought you were paying me compliments

But being the oh-so-giving young lady that I am

I decided to give you a little taste of heaven

And you got hooked

All the “Good morning beautiful” messages turned into “how’s my little sex monkey”

 

I really can’t put all the blame on you, I mean 

I’m the one who let you in, right?

But I did it out of fear,

I was scared that you wouldn’t want to be with me after you found out that I have a thousand and one demons living in me

 

When all this began I felt like all my visions of us together would come true

I held out great hope of you wanting to slow things down and not get too sexual too fast

But every time a man touches me, I can’t help but remember all the others that used me when I was younger

I begin to feel like that young girl that needed attention so bad that she sold her purity

She lost her innocence for it

Years have gone by and as much as I’m not that young girl anymore,

I’m still haunted by the memories of that past life

I begin to think that maybe you’re one of those from my past

Coming back for more

 

I’ve talked to you about this and you constantly reassure me that that’s not the case

I asked you what it was you liked most about me and you told me that you liked my meticulous planning habits and my ambition

My intelligence and my mind

You say you really know me but;

I don’t think you do

You see, I plan because I need to give myself something to hold on to, something to live for

I do this out of the fear that I might give up on life

My ambition, well that’s only because I’m a firm believer in the saying “Aim so high that even your failures will have echoes of glory”

My intelligence… I read a lot

And not to ‘expand my horizons’ but to keep my mind distracted

To keep me from obsessing over past events and blaming myself for things I had no control over

My mind is such a mess so let’s not even go there

 

Please don’t call me “baby” or “honey” because I’m none of those things to you

 

Truth be told, I want to give myself to you

Truly

Fully

But I need to know

Beyond this pretty face that you like to look at

Beyond this body that you want to bury yourself in

What is it that you truly connect to in me?

When you can answer this question

And find pet names for each of my demons

Is when I shall surely be yours

 

Signed,

Legion

 

 

 

 

 

 

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