18-12-2015

Today is a monumental day.  Actually, yesterday was a monumental day. Why? Well, I may not have gotten the marriage proposal I’ve been eagerly waiting for for 3 years, my shares haven’t been doing exceptionally well and my bald spots are still disturbingly noticeable BUT yesterday, I finally decided to start my own blog. I’m not going to introduce myself and tell you who I am and where I live so that you can try and assassinate me after you discover that I’m pro-kidero grass, but I will tell you why I decided to start this blog up.

I’m a ‘professional writer’ I.e. I may not be a prodigious writer but I mean, I’m good enough to get money for it. Anyway, one day I got an extremely interesting topic that I couldn’t stop telling my friends about. Like, ‘Guys, imagine my boss asked me to write about “bananas and electricity as the next solution for global warming”’(This is just an example, my boss isn’t a complete nut) So I tell all my friends the title of this amazing post that I’ve written and I tell them to look out for it in 2 weeks.

So my friends painstakingly wait for it to be published and read my post. Of course I start receiving stellar reviews left, right and centre about how funny it was and how I’m such a good writer etc etc (the burden of being so talented… sigh) By the way, this is totally unrelated but I write EXACTLY the way I speak. I’m talking filler words, the occasional Swahili word to let people know that I am indeed Kenyan and I will try as much as possible to make accurate descriptions of my numerous (numerous) facial expressions.

Back to the story. So 2 months down the line, I decide to actually read this post of mine. (Believe it or not, I never go hunting for my articles. Why? Because I’m not a narcissist). 2 sentences in and I already couldn’t recognise my writing. My work had been heavily edited, with multiple sections that I thought were absolutely hilarious gone. And the ones that made it had been maliciously watered down to half- laughs*. (Side-note: I tend to make words up, A LOT. There’ll be a description of exactly what I mean at the end of the post.) The cherry on the ice cream (or just in case I didn’t nail that one) the biggest fly on this pile of defecation (Sorry guys, I don’t use profanity) was the fact that my name had been changed. I mean, I wouldn’t mind just one name, even if they decided to use my English name.  (I prefer my traditional name not just because I think it sounds cool, but because I have waaaay too many namesakes.)

Anyway, yeah. That’s why I decided to start up my own blog. Lol, well I have a couple already. This is just the only one I’m willing to share with you regular folk. (Just kidding! If you ended up here, you are super awesome!) So keep checking up. I will try updating this blog as often as possible so I’ll just leave it at one new post every Monday. Oh and I’m not going to tell you what this blog is about, so that just in case I end up talking about flying snakes (which are super awesome, sema ACTs*), no one will tell me that I’m digressing because there is nothing to digress from.

So now that you know why this whole business started, I hope you’ve been intrigued enough to visit again and spend your bundles on me. Till the next post, concentrate, relaxate* and meditate.

 

***What do they mean?***

Half-laughs: The ‘haha’ in real-time. When something is funny enough to make you open your mouth and let some air out but it just doesn’t have the juice to bring out a giggle.

ACT: (Not a word I made up) American College Test (taken as an alternative to the SATS; for those of us who know that you can’t study every word in the dictionary). Familiar to students who didn’t do the 8-4-4 system in high-school or below, or anyone who tried to apply to the Ivies (and most likely didn’t get in lol)

Relaxate: Isn’t this one a little obvious?? I needed to rhyme. (One of my many dreams is to become a rapper)

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